The wisdom of the Drivel List (2)*

It has been widely reported that during a recent riot at Lincoln prison Blunkett was in favour of sending in the army to end the problem with machine guns. Has the man been reading the Drivel List? After publication of the learned article "God is on our side (4)" Andy Osborne, the List's crime correspondent, suggested filling our prisons with muslims. If they managed to kill 100 of themselves and other vermin each day, as they are doing in Iraq, we soon wouldn't have a prison over-crowding crisis, there would be fewer criminals, because the muslims would have killed them, and society would be a much nicer place.
Good point well made, I reckon. When the prisons are full, especially, they could do far worse than execute everyone who is locked up and then start all over again. Next time the prisons started getting nearly full the criminal classes might begin to wonder whether they wanted to be in clink the next time they were full. Could work wonders for the crime figures.
*See, Percy, "The wisdom of the Drivel List (1)" was not 1 in a series of 1. The Drivel List - Intellect in Depth.

Respect

More wonderful stuff on the Sunday programme this morning. Apparently the church of england is encouraging its schools to accept 25% of pupils who are not members of the church, and as a result of this the government is considering making it compulsory for all 'faith' schools to do likewise. Good news indeed - I am sure there must be thousands of parents queueing up to send their kids to a muslim school where, sharia law being what it is, they are likely to get stoned to death for forgetting their nine-times table.
The principal of a muslim school was interviewed. During the course of the interview she stressed islam was all about respect. I wondered how they square respect for women with being happy to have them walking around with bin-liners over their heads. To be fair, respect for women is not the strong point of many religions. The c of e has only just got around to agreeing to the ordination of women and the pope's lot still seem several centuries away. During a visit to Poland I was taken to a pub in the Jewish quarter of Krakow and was bought a 'kosher' beer. "What makes it kosher?" I enquired, in my innocence thinking it was something to do with the ingredients. "It is made in a brewery where no women are employed," was the answer. Presumably this is because women, like some animals, are 'unclean'. How bloody daft can you get? As my missus says, who, in general, is cleaner, men or women? How often do you hear of women in dirty macks flashing at fellas? Hardly ever. Unfortunately.

God is on our side (4)

According to the news this morning approximately one hundred people are being tortured then killed every day in Iraq for being the wrong sort of muslim. Not long ago the same sort of thing was happening to folk in Northern Ireland, but for being the wrong sort of christian. There, however, the daily body count rarely reached double figures and not all of them were tortured. Clearly christianity still has much to learn from islam.
Not that I'm suggesting for one minute, of course, that islam is a violent religion.

More vermin

Today's news - a major breakthrough in DNA analysis which will enable identification of the sources of DNA present in mixed samples. This will, apparently, enable 'thousands' of crimes to be solved. Magic. We identify countless rapists, murderers, muggers, paedophiles, and unexploded muslims and lock them up (if we can find a gaol which is not already full). Then, after a couple of weeks, we let them out so they are free to go raping, murdering, mugging, paedophiling, and exploding at will. And that's progress.
There have been quite a few stories recently of criminals being released and being able to carry on where they left off because of 'lack of communication among the prison service, the social services, the probation service, and the police'. But hang on a minute. If there had been perfect communication what would have happened? Would PC plod have been positioned outside the residence of vermin no. 1 ready to follow him to the scene of his next crime and arrest him just before he did anything naughty? Yeah. Right.
Sometimes I wonder whether the rapists, murderers, muggers, paedophiles, and unexploded muslims are any more of a threat to the country than the prison service, social services, probation service, and police.

The wisdom of the Drivel List (1)

Many thanks to Andy Osborne for this gem.

Just caught the 8 o'clock news as I was parking the car. There was a report that a Home Office Inspection has determined that Pentonville Prison is full of vermin. Isn't that the idea of a prison? Lock all the scum up to keep them off the streets and away from us law-abiding citizens?

Getting your own back

As part of his web stats Percy (the nice chap who set up this blog for me) can see what people have searched for on google, and other search engines, before ending up at this blog. So far people have arrived here after searching for:

kevin hazelwood
maltase cross
fun with potassium
how are mobile phones are being misused nowadays
fun with chemistry sets explosive
.iwd viewer
admiral poindexter children
blowjob etymology
football programme collector blog
god is on our side
gypsies: scum of the earth
iwd nation
job well done in french
mohamed ben said - autobiography - abu dhabi
blowjob etymology
do muslims perform blowjobs
wayne rooney abu dhabi
fun with chemistry (four times)
god is on our side
polish mates
polenotes
suspended ceiling tiles
telephone number for iwd airport
weird customs
sharapova brat scream

I wonder - did they name an airport after me before or after I started the blog?

Is it not amazing what people are looking for? 'Blowjobs' seem pretty popular but, amazingly, nothing like as popular as 'fun with chemistry'. 'Polenotes'? Now why is anyone searching for that? I thought I invented the word. And 'sharapova brat scream'?

It seems to me that in support of my vast enquiring public I should try to ensure no one searching the web for these popular topics is ever disappointed. I shall, therefore, try to generate a few learned articles. I've little idea yet what I'm going to say about mohamed ben said - autobiography - abu dhabi, but we shall see.

First off, an easy one - 'suspended ceiling tiles'. Some months ago an unpleasant odour was detected in one of the classrooms at our local comprehensive school. It gradually became worse, and worse, until the kids were sitting in class with the windows wide open, freezing to death. It was initially suspected an animal had died under the floor and much disruption was expected when parts of the floor were lifted to investigate. Luckily, however, before this happened someone had the bright idea of checking the suspended ceiling. When they did they discovered someone, presumably a kid with a grudge, had lifted a tile and inserted a dead fish. This strikes me as an excellent way of having a bit of fun - the fish can be inserted and the miscreant can be well away before the problem becomes apparent. If you decide to try it, why not leave a comment telling your story?

Let's hear it for the rotts

A "delightful" five-month old baby (who was, no doubt, also an effing genius about to get seventy five A-stars in her GCSEs) gets torn to pieces by a couple of "vicious" rottweilers, presumably because her parents weren't looking after her properly, and all of a sudden a pile of flowers and teddy bears appears outside the pub where it happened. But what about the poor rottweilers? They've been bred to protect, attack, kill, and eat babies, and when they do just that they are savagely put to death, even though they were house trained, always ate up all their dinner, walked to heel, fetched balls and begged when they were told to, never chased sheep, and were about to win hundreds of prizes at Crufts. And has anyone left any flowers for them? Of course they haven't. Have the local pooches been round to weep and wail, or howl, or pee at the scene, or leave a few tins of Chum, or the odd bone or two, or even a smelly ragged slipper? Of course they haven't. They probably haven't even been told what has happened. I'm tempted to pop along myself with a bag of Winalot.
According to the BBC web site, one of the locals has said the dogs were "known to be vicious" and that "whenever you walk past [them] you get the feeling they could jump down and attack you". Bet it never stopped the buggers popping in for a drink.

Chauffeur me to heaven

Although the religious programme 'Sunday' on radio 4 can make me scream at people's stupidity, it does occasionally throw up some interesting snippets. An example this morning is that the bishop of London claims £24000 expenses a year for a chauffeur and £15000 for fuel. Does he ever travel on the Underground, I wonder? This same chappie wrote, somewhere, something along the lines that people should stop flying away on holiday and give the energy to some chap in Africa that needs it more.
Anyone know how much in travel expenses Jesus used to claim?